July 11, 2007

life on the side

Life has been in fast-forward lately. It keeps whizzing by me like I'm a passenger in a speeding car.

Cliche as of late: "work has been crazy"

Trying to buy a house.

Freaking out overing trying to buy a house; but being simultaneously elated over the whole thing.

Trying to write a blog as a side-gig. I missed my side-job today.

I'm supposed to leave on a mission trip to Panama in just over a week. Note the word "supposed". I feel so unprepared for it in all respects. Physically. Emotionally. Worst of all, spiritually. I literally don't even know what my assignment is yet, nor have I personally received my flight itinerary. I have heard rumors, though, that others on our team have received this...itinerary. I am struggling with this idea that the trip has come before the mission. I feel it should be the other way around. Or maybe it is, and I am just not privy to the plan. In that respect, I am a blind missionary. I know there is a need, but I won't know how desperate it is, or exactly what must be done about it until I get there. Maybe that's ok too. I'm trying to stay open.

I miss blogging more. The blogging I've done lately has been more about blogging than about the stuff that got me blogging in the first place. Just another reason I feel my priorities are out of place and I'm a little mixed up inside.

Life just keeps whizzing by me, and I can't even get up early enough in the morning to prepare for it all. I used to pray and read scripture in the mornings. I used to work out a little in the mornings. I used to, I used to, I used to.... Now when I'm waking in the morning I'm afraid to get out of bed. I just want to stay there where it's safe and where life doesn't spin out of control. So I get up later and later. And I regret it every time. If only I had 8 more minutes.... if only I had a few more seconds...if only.


At 10:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep your chin up. Keep the faith. It will all work out.


At 8:45 AM, Anonymous lisa said...

I like your new pic (though the one with your Dad was cool, too).

I wish we didn't all feel so busy. None of us really enjoy it, except that some of us really enjoy whining about it, like it's a race to see who's the busiest. (hope it doesn't sound like I'm saying you're whining about it. I'm talking about other people!!)

Anyway, as far as the mission trip, I'm sure you already know this, but the mission trip isn't for you, it's for the people on the other side. Believe me, they're ready. I believe you will be ready when you get there, even if you don't feel ready, as long as your heart is in the right place and you're praying about it. Without knowing the details of your trip, I still feel sure that someone has it all planned out, and the most important thing you can do is to go--show Christ's Love and give God's Message to the people of Panama. And, even though the mission trip is more for them than you, you'll come back a changed person. Isn't that exciting?!

Hope you have a great time! And I hope you're able to find a few more minutes in your day today. :)

At 10:00 AM, Blogger Emily said...

thanks Lisa! that was really encouraging!
thanks to the anonymous chocolate commenter too :)

At 1:23 AM, Blogger holly said...

Your bursts of quirky brilliance are why I love your blog.

The heart that this post came from is why I love YOU.

At 9:10 PM, Blogger bridge said...

Emily!!! Seriously...I've been (and am) there. We're not so different, you and I...it's like we finish each others...sandwiches.

When things slow down (and they will!) let's have a nosh! I've been meaning to follow up on your proposition for sushi..but...you remember me...i'm such a flake.

btw...i bought a house two years ago...best decision ever!


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